Unfortunately, along with legal marriage comes the risk of inheriting straight society’s “couple-centrism,” which is the idea that being single is wrong, sad, and a sign of psychological problems that need to be “fixed.” This is just plain wrong. This can all translate into feelings of pressure to couple up. Where it’s legal, same- sex couples are getting married in droves, and some gay weddings are so theatrical and over the top that they can actually be intimidating. Contrary to heterosexual fears, legal gay marriage has given the institution an enormous boost in importance.
For sure, the pendulum has swung far in the other direction. Nonmonogamy was a political statement, and gay rights advocates saw marriage as constrictive, patriarchal, heterocentric, flawed (perhaps due to the 50% failure rate) and therefore not worthy of pursuit, especially in light of how gay men of the era were still getting ejected from their jobs, homes, families and blackmailed and arrested for who they were. In the old days, when I was coming out, being gay had more of an outlaw quality. Is he really the one for you? Or how about the guy who gives you the chase, sending hopelessly mixed signals that are impossible to understand, such as ignoring you for periods of time alternating with romantic texting-leaving you wondering "does he or doesn’t he?" Isn’t this a dead end? (Answer: Yes, honey, it is.) (They always seem to ooze masculinity, don’t they?) But if you need sharing communication and emotional reassurance, you may find that the mysterious brooder is actually an unresponsive “cold fish” after a few months. That muscled, tattooed bad boy is hotter than hell, and great in bed, but is he showing any sign that he is ready to settle down? You seek a man who wants a monogamous relationship, but do you really think you'll find him on Manhunt, Grindr or Scruff? (Trust me, these prowling tigers do not change their stripes once they are hitched.) Perhaps you have a bit of a fetish for the strong silent type. However, feeling subconsciously unlovable or unworthy can again rear its head here through your choices. Right is like looking for a needle in a gaystack. For sure, so much of the gay male world is way too focused on looks, youth, the gym, partying, and fast hookups so searching for Mr. Remember, you are looking for a life mate that glass slipper is hardly one-size-fits-all, and very few men will qualify. No doubt, finding the right partner is not easy. "It is impossible to meet the right guy." Another way feeling unlovable manifests is in the choice of partner.